Coptic Orthodox Patriarchate 
Bishopric of Youth Bookstore

TOWARD A SOUND VIEW OF MARRIAGE 
Number 21

by Archdeacon Ramsis Naguib

My young brother, 
 Marriage is a great sacrament. In spite of the greatness of this sacrament and the elevated position of the sexual function in it, there are many erroneous ideas about it, distorting it, reducing its value, and detracting from its significance. 

It is a pity that our youth should be ignorant of the greatness of this sacrament and of the sexual function  concomitant upon it.    This misconception could lead to deviance threatening the role of sexuality in youth.  This could in turn threaten the Christian family and Christian marriage and lead to the failure of many young people in their marriages.  That is why I have undertaken, with an open heart, to discuss these erroneous ideas and I hope that you will get rid of them if they should be present!

 

 Let me put to you some of the different perceptions our young people have,   of  whom you are one, and you will find that they all indicate a very strange phenomenon.

+A devout youth seems to be deep in thought; he seems perplexed and sad.  When we inquire about the cause, he says that his Sunday School teacher has gotten married!

 This young person might hide the shock this has caused him behind laughter.  The conclusion he comes to is that this teacher has put an end to his spiritual life and that he is no longer fit for spiritual work because he has betrayed the spiritual principles and values,   as though marriage were a betrayal of the virtuous life and a descent of man from the spiritual level to a lower one.

+ Another seems to have acquired, in some wrong way, some teachings about monasticism and celibacy and its being a better way of life than marriage.  This has led him to form the notion   that   confuses    marriage with a state approaching impurity.  One of them said to me in protest: "How can a priest consecrate the offerings and touch these pure and holy sacraments when he is married?"

See   how   dangerous    this concept that has been deeply ingrained in youth is, that marriage is ugly or that it is impure and is not compatible with the holiness of the sacrament of the offerings.

He is not aware that marriage is a  sacrament  the   church sanctifies and includes in the sacraments just like the sacrament of the offerings.  The Holy Spirit works in it exactly as it does in the bread and the wine.  This misconception of what constitutes spirituality needs to be put right.

+ The  third is   truly   to   be  pitied.  Most probably, he is one of those who occasionally go to church.  He hears about the harmfulness of bad habits, such as masturbation, which is true enough, but he exaggerates its harmful effects.    This   leads  him to deviate more and more, because of  his wrong view.  He then resorts to the sin of engaging in unlawful sexual relations,  in adultery. He tells himself or tells whoever might ask him:  "I will not masturbate so that I do not suffer its harmful consequences which I have heard about, but I will do what all married people do, which is perfectly normal."

This young man, and those who are like him, who are confused about the difference between marriage and adultery,  need attention and compassion. They need to be given sound information about sexual matters. They believe, and this is as far as their thinking has reached, that marriage is simply legal adultery.  The image of marriage is distorted and the sanctity and purity of the sacrament of marriage is eclipsed by their ignorance, their lusts, and their recklessness.

 


There are many examples that indicate   or   clearly   show    that    a  misconception of marriage exists.  Briefly,  it is that marriage is nothing but legal adultery.

We need to examine thoroughly and at length this holy sacrament of marriage to ascertain what the role of the sexual function is in this pure sacrament.

The uniting of man and woman in this sacrament means, first of all, a deep, pure, spiritual unity.

The married   love that binds  them together in this marvelous union is that which the Lord Jesus Christ explained when He said: "For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"  (Mt. 19: 4-6).  The purpose of the sexual intimacy is to effect the total union between two souls and two bodies that cooperate in life, for the purpose of bearing children.

The feeling of intimacy and pure love that carries out all its responsibilities for  family life and for the children is what leads the man and woman to unite and not the other way round.  The unity of the man and woman is only the holy expression and one of the good fruits of married love.

It is not fitting that the newborn human, who bears the image of God, should be the product of a transitory lust and an instinctual pleasure.  It is more fitting, and this is the reality, that the newborn infant should be considered a blessed product and the fruit  of  married love and of the holy, pure, and sacramental marriage bond.

This is what   the church says and teaches, and this is what you must grasp, dear youth.  In fact, you need to grasp more than that in order that you may fully understand the holiness of this sacrament.

The sexual union that takes place in the Christian marriage is the result of God's blessing of this marriage.

Therefore, the purpose of the sexual instinct and its function in marriage is sharing with God in the work of creation, with all the significance and power this implies.

The work of God in married life is extremely important, for He removes all evil and impurity from the sexual contact so that it might lead to blessing and life.  That is why St. Paul the Apostle says:  "Marriage is honorable among, all and the bed undefiled" (Heb. 13: 4).

As for adultery, it is a sexual contact that occurs far from God. Consequently, it produces death, for nothing impure will enter the kingdom of heaven (Rom 11: 27).

It is a sorry waste and a terrible    degradation   of  a    sacred energy that God has created in us for a noble purpose, which is to share with Him in creation.

It is a degradation by a human of his body and of the law which was given him for  his  honor and his life, and not for death and perdition.

+  Adultery is a selfish pleasure, which lowers the sexual function to a level below that of animals.  In order to satisfy himself and his lust, man falls from his position, humiliates his body, and defiles the temple of God. (Every sin that a human being commits is outside  his body,   except for adultery in which he sins against his own body).

+ Have you understood, my friend, the basic  difference   between a holy sacrament in which God is present and a sin that prevents the one committing it from entering the kingdom of heaven?

+ Do you now know, dear friend, what this holy Sacrament is, how God sanctifies the bed, and how the man and woman rise to the level of a pure married love that is similar to the love of Christ for the Church?

In this  view, sexuality in marriage becomes a great and holy work

END

Back to main page

Home
About us
contact us
News
Online Booklets
Links
Magazines
Our Publications
Ministry
Bishopric News
Audio
Video
Photo Album
Q & A

You are visitor number