Coptic Orthodox Patriarchate A CHRISTIAN VIEW OF MARRIAGE
Bishopric of Youth Bookstore
Number 26
by HG Abba Moussa The Bishop of Youth
A Christian marriage is different. It has a perspective of its own which we need to get to know if we want to
get the full picture and see it in all its purity. For Christian marriage is a Sacrament: it is the Holy Spirit Who makes it work. So we need to approach it in a different way, with real spiritual depth.
Then we will see it work out in practice in authentic Christian behavior. The Apostle Paul gives us two significant insights into the sanctity of marriage: "This is a great mystery"
(Eph. 5:32); "Marriage is honorable among all"(Heb.13:4). Christian marriage goes beyond the coupling of bodies: it aspires to the coupling of souls. In the same way that the Holy Spirit is
active in baptismal water to create a new person, so is He present in marriage. Just as He is at work in the Mairoun oil (Holy Chrism) to consecrate a human body to make it a temple of the Holy Spirit, just as He takes
the bread and the wine and transubstantiates them into the Lord's Holy body and blood, so does He unite the bride and groom to each other and to the Lord, through sincere prayers and by
faith. |
Yet this unity is not accomplished in a magical way. The bride and the groom are aware of and participate in
it by their heartfelt prayers and positive response to the working of grace. This means that the sacraments do not work in a merely mechanical way; rather they demand a spiritual response
from the person who is receiving the sacrament. This is just as necessary as the involvement of an ordained priest, the holding of formal prayers, and the presence of The divine work is
the new thing in Christianity. For since the beginning of creation, there have been marriage rituals, agreements by both sides, and social aspects that differ from one
community to another. But the new thing in Christianity is the "work of the Holy Spirit" which makes two individuals into a couple and the couple into one entity. The Christian
understanding of marriage is seen through specific characteristics, some of which are: 1. One Partner This in fact is:
a. A restoration to the original state of affairs: "He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female'" (Mt. 19: 4). b. Keeping Christ's command: "So then they are no longer
two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Mt. 19: 6).
There is not doubt that the law of one wife has many important implications. It raises the status of woman from a mere tool to that of a life-partner; it
changes the significance of the children from sheer quantity to their quality, and it refines the instinct from sensuality to spirituality. We should consider these three points deeply. God has created
only one Eve for Adam to make him realize that she is a help-meet for him, i.e. a life-partner on an equal footing. It is often said that God took Eve, not from Adam's head, otherwise she might have been superior to him, nor
from his leg or she would have been inferior to him. He took her from Adam's side to be his equal counterpart. Moreover, the law of one wife changes
the significance of children from their quantity to their quality. They are limited in number and raised on the basis of a sound Christian upbringing to become good citizens and faithful witnesses to the Lord. This is
much better than having a large number of children who are badly brought up and who have no share either in church membership or in eternal life hereafter. The law
of one wife also sublimates the instincts. Spiritual love is the secret of satisfaction, contentment, and happiness, whereas uncontrolled sensual love is a regression from the human to the animal level. 2. Oness Christian marriage is not just a contract between
two parties whereby each person continues to follow his or her own ego. Instead Christianity unifies the two parties or rather the two partners in "one entity" for "the two
shall become one flesh" (Mt. 19: 5). The expression "one" here is very precise, for the one flesh has many members but all are linked and unified in love, sacrifice, self-giving, and
harmony. The one flesh is controlled by one network of thoughts and feelings and one will. Therefore, the true Christian marriage turns the home into a new heaven and
the family into a sacred church. There is no longer any duality, but one entity integrated on the levels of: Spirit:
the two are united in God. Therefore, we call the individual a couple and the couple one. This is true
as they are united in God. Each partner bears the other in the depths of his or her being. He or she is no longer one individual but a couple. Each thinks, moves or acts with the other partner hidden deep in the
heart. At the same time, the couple becomes one, i.e. their behavior flows from a spring of profound unity created by the Holy Spirit. That is why it is very important for the bride and groom to pay attention to
the prayers and commandments recited in the celebration of the sacrament of matrimony. They need to rise to that Christian level where their marriage goes beyond social and physical coupling to a sacred spiritual unity.
3. Continuity From this text we can clearly see two facts:
a. Marriage was originally based on continuity, i.e. the idea of divorce is completely rejected. b. Moses allowed the Jews to trespass this boundary --- with God's permission --- because of the
hardness of their hearts.
But Christ who marked a new covenant of salvation and restored us to our original image and first nature, also restored marriage to its original state, i.e. continuity and prohibition of divorce. God has
not allowed divorce except in the case of adultery because the guilty partner ---by the nature of his or her sin --- breaks the original marriage bond by uniting himself or herself with a new partner. However, if the innocent
partner is willing to go on with the marriage and accepts the other partner's return, the marriage can continue on the basis of the sinful partner's sincere repentance and rededication to the first marriage covenant. The second
reason for divorce is spiritual adultery, that is to say the denial of faith and giving up of Christianity. In this case, the Christian partner is no longer bound by
the marriage covenant and has the right to divorce the other partner. As for the kind of reasons Christians are now putting forward to divorce, such as ill-treatment, separation, frequent absence, and chronic diseases, they
cannot set one's conscience at peace. For they are a mere veneer, to cover up a basic selfishness and lack of love. On the other hand, the annulment of marriage is allowed in cases of
cheating, impotence, and some other cases specified by the church. The annulment of marriage is a sound principle as there has to be basic elements to guarantee a sound marriage, such as full physical
and mental maturity ... etc. An overall view of the reasons for divorce today shows us how shallow spiritual life is and how rare genuine love has become. It shows us the extent of selfishness and
self-centeredness, and disobedience to Christ's commandments. May the Lord restore to the Christian family its ideal cohesion and unity, the unity with which the Christian family has so long testified
to Christ, its Savior. 4. Bearing Fruits
The Christian family --- by the work of the Holy Spirit --- bears the following fruits:
a. Christian Virtue: reflected in the lives of its members. b. Children: when God grants them, they are blessed and raised in the fear of God and firmly at one with the Church. c.
Service: the family offers it to everyone it deals with, in true Christian love which knows neither discrimination, hatred, nor fanaticism.
The family is a small, lively, active church that testifies to its Lord Jesus Christ. Children are not an end but only fruits. How wonderful it is when the parents' hearts are enlarged to include a wider
circle of love instead of confining their emotions to their children. How wonderful it is when the couple, whom God has not granted children in the flesh, enlarge their hearts to adopt, in the spirit, a larger number of
children as they serve thousands of children who need love in God's church with true parental love. These are some characteristics of the Christian marriage. May God give us the joy of seeing more marriages that
witness to Christ. END |
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