Therefore, maturity is essential for both partners to lead a life of fellowship with the Lord and involvement in church life.

2. Psychological Maturity
Studies show that the young adult, at the beginning of university life, looks forward to choosing a life-partner and finding out about the opposite sex.   It is  also well   known that this is merely a phase of life in youth called "general heterosexuality". In other words, we are looking at the opposite sex in frequent attempts to find out more about them. So we cannot identify the right person for the journey of life at this stage since our characteristics are still frequently changing. It is a good idea at this stage to mix in a spiritual environment that allows opportunities for general acquaintances without pairing off or getting involved in "heavy" relationships. Such relationships are more harmful than useful as the two partners are distracted from establishing themselves spiritually and academically.  They may also harm a girl's reputation, since how do we know that this relationship is God's choice?  Are we not still at the stage of "general heterosexuality?"

When university life draws to its close, even after graduation, a young adult begins to move towards the stage of "specific heterosexuality", i.e. we may, through thought and prayer, identify the specific person we feel is God's choice for our lives.  Now we are psychologically mature enough to take this crucial decision, the decision of a lifetime.

So we should get to understand these two phases.  We should not choose in haste or get involved in "heavy" relationships which end in desolation and bitterness.

3.  Emotional Maturity
 This is significant too.  There is a great difference between a young man driven by the heat of passion and another moved by spiritual love.  Emotion is often deceitful and changeable.  It is a facet of man's psychological make-up.  It is merely a repeated     attraction towards a particular person accompanied by a feeling of comfort. However, is this human feeling the final arbiter of partner selection?  Where is God in this decision?  Where is the mind?  Where are the two families' views?

Moreover,  emotion is usually a physical phenomenon.  So it is part of our natural selves.  Unless it is raised to the level of spirit, holiness and Christian love, it rapidly drags the couple into heavy, physical involvement.  Christian marriage generally begins with a spiritual, sincere, sublime love whereas an emotional  one  begins  with a sensual affection, fading away when difficulties reveal the fact that it was not love at all.  Emotion is taking first, then giving.  Spiritual love, however, is giving without necessarily receiving in return. So emotional love will vanish at the first ordeal: when a partner misbehaves, wants something without being able to get  anything in return ---- in time of illness or trouble, for instance.

On the other hand, the essence of spiritual love is giving.  Therefore, give "to all liberally and without reproach" (Jas.1:5), as the Lord does, without expecting anything in return.

It is here that emotional maturity is   essential,   in  which  we enjoy the outpouring of God's sacrificial love into our hearts.  Because of this,  we are capable of generous giving without expecting compensation.  Thus love thrives in marriage, and continues in spite of all life's crises, as a witness to the Lord Who loved us when we were still sinners.  Many marriages today are violently shaken by life's blows because of selfishness and fickle emotions.  When the ego is supreme, the family is torn apart.

4.  Economic Maturity
This is the fourth pivotal point.  Marriage has definite material prerequisites.  Because of old-fashioned traditions which we hope one day will disappear, the two partners are faced with huge material obligations.  To mention but a few:  engagement rings, gifts, a home, furniture, wedding celebrations inside and outside the church.

Although young people, in their innocence and enthusiasm try  to escape these traps, they find these traditions as immovable as a mountain, putting a stumbling block in the way of their marriage.  When love collides with a financial rock, their hearts are filled with bitterness, even towards the partner who lets him or her down.

At this point, we need to be realistic.  Life is not as smooth as imagination and daydreams make it appear to be. It is as tough as reality with its pains and its facts.  The two partners have to estimate the costs before embarking on this undertaking.  As the girl will suffer more than her partner, she must be more prudent since love and harmony may be dashed on the rock of social and economic circumstances.

It is better to be jerked back into the real world than to soar on the wings of imagination and be deceived.  We must get down to the serious business of managing our material needs before we stumble for lack of readiness.

Therefore, if the young people build on maturity in these four areas, they will be fit to choose a partner and to look forward to a happy and lasting marriage.
 

END