The Family and a Sound Upbringing 

 The personality of an individual is the final outcome of two sets of basic influences.  The first set is made up of the innate traits "which are inherent and inborn in a human being".  The second set is acquired through contact with the environments with which a person interacts and of which the most important is definitely the family. 

 The  family  plays  a  key role in building the personality for it provides    all   hereditary   traits   and provides the most important environment.  You can easily tell the difference between a person born and bred in a poor family in a slum and another from a rich family in a prosperous neighborhood.  The difference is not one of morals but of behavior; it lies in patterns of thought, aspirations, ways of dealing with others, expressions of feelings, customs, attitudes, and norms. 

 The  first    features   of   a personality are formed between the ages of three and five, and even before then.  There is a difference between the  unwanted  child and  the one whose family wanted him, and also between an only child and one with many siblings.  A child who is overprotected at home is quite different from a child who is encouraged to go out and come into contact with many other families.

 Therefore, we must be aware of some of the most important principles of a sound upbringing:
1.  Setting an example
2.  Understanding each stage
3.  Being impartial and even-handed
 

1.  Setting an Example

 This point  imposes itself as a primary principle, not just because we are handling the subject from a religious or moral viewpoint, but also because we are looking at it from a scientific and practical one.  The child imitates everything, picking up behavior from parents, relatives, and neighbors.

 So we should be prudent in the way we speak and act.  We should avoid reprehensible behavior, such as abusing, slandering, or being harsh with others. We should be careful that anyone who helps in the home should not deal with the children  in  undesirable  or    harmful ways.  Moreover, we should be fully aware of the services the kindergarten offers our children and its visual, audio, and personal impact on the children, as well as its integrity in taking care of the children since some can even give the children sedatives in order to be relieved of their noise.

 The parental model is vitally important.  There is a great difference between the child who sees his parents living in peace and happiness and another who sees them constantly quarreling.  The first will be calm and the second will be irritable.  Psychologist    believe    that     these disputes are often an unconscious cause of the children's rejection of marriage when they grow up, as well as of their delinquency.

 There is a difference between the child who sees his parents involved in regular family praise, in worship, or prayers to the Father and between another who only witnesses endless discord:   people shouting, TV blaring, and the telephone ringing.

 There is also a difference between the child who watches film strips or   short films  about the life of Christ  or of the Bible personalities and who finds someone who is interested enough in him to show him these, and between another who only hears the names of actors and football players.  The former grows up possessed of a spiritual awareness while the latter grows up with a worldly heart, a total stranger to the way of the spirit.
 

2.  Understanding Each Stage

 The parents should study the various stages their child goes through very carefully, from the two years of infancy to early childhood (3 - 7),  later childhood (8 - 12),  adolescence (13 - 18), to adulthood (19 -25).

 Each stage has its own specific characteristics and needs special handling:

+ In infancy, the child learns to walk and talk and uses his mouth to explore and discover the world around him.  The child is generally irritable because of teething and so needs kindness and tenderness.  He also needs all he can get in the way of milk and milk products.

+ In early childhood, the child has a vivid     imagination    and      imitates everything.  He begins to move around inside and outside the home, is extremely curious and asks a lot of questions.  This is the stage at which  indelible impressions are made, so icons, hymns, incense, music, and short trips all have a lasting impact.

+ In later childhood, the child has unbounded and untiring energy.  He becomes sociable, wanting to know people and places, and it is our duty to provide him with useful places and people who will contribute to his sound formation.

+  Adolescence  is  the  most   critical stage.  The teenager begins to experience an attraction for the members of the opposite sex and wants to find out about sex. He listens to and is influenced by people and information which are generally harmful.  The girl may have destructive experiences whose danger she becomes aware of only when it is too late.  This has become the case after the constant  sexual  stimulation provided by the media and by human deviance.  Similarly the young adolescent may become involved in romantic relationships whose basis is the strength of his instincts. That is why  the  teenager  needs parents and older friends who have spiritual and life experience as well as being good fathers and mothers who can become their friends, giving them the chance to talk openly without restraining or rebuking them which might cause them to conceal their problems until they explode in destructive delinquency.

+ The final stage is adulthood.  The young adult needs to know what the best way of choosing a life-partner is in order to avoid making a hasty choice when he is still emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically immature and  while   he is financially unprepared.  Dialogue is undoubtedly the only way to deal with the young people at this stage so that they do not resort to a stubbornness that can only ruin their lives and future prospects.
 

3.  Being Impartial

 The parents should be moderate and well balanced in the way they treat their children, neither terribly severe nor extremely lenient.  Harshness and spoiling are dangerous and can produce weak personalities while neglect and indifference produce unfeeling hearts. Love and firmness   are   basic and  should    go hand in hand.  There must be no discrimination between daughter and son or between one child and another as this   creates   hatred   among   the siblings.

These are some principles of a sound upbringing, but the core is the close walk of the parents with God, so that they are guided by God's Spirit and are taught by His Holy indwelling.
 

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